The Name's Biscuit
by Completely Dipendente
Summary: Dave's P.O.V of after SITNOP, not directly after though if you get me. I'm not giving anything away yet, you'll have to read it. Please R&R.
1. Smurf Arms

**Well, I thought I'd write the 1****st**** (Short) chappie of this to set the scene then I'll finish "My camel..." Please Review and tell me what you think. I love The New Look FanFiction!! Very cool =¬D**

2:43 pm

Maths

Who needs Maths? I mean like, really, I've got myself a calculator, you know one of those all singing all dancing ones that has all those letters on it? Ok, I don't know how to use it but still...I'll send a note to Tom.

"_Tom, do you understand this Maths malarkey? Who cares if a triangle has 4 sides?! Lots of non-homosexualist love, Davio."_

1 Minute Later

"_Dave, we're learning about algebra, that has nothing to do with Triangles (which have 3 sides by the way), and stop making you notes in to planes, they hurt when they hit me. Tom."_ Oh Rave on Vole boy. I wish I had Maths with Rollo, he'd agree with me on the Maths thing, but unlike _moi _he didn't have the sense to copy Spotty Norman on his test last year and ended up in Set 3.

1 Second later

Christ on a bike!! How many O's are there in one Maths text book?! A lot, I can tell you that for free.

1 Second later

'David, are you defacing School property?' Ah Crap, My biggest fan, Mr. Bramhall…

'I might be Sir'

'How do you mean, you Might be?! Are you or aren't you?'

'Well, I probably am, but I don't know what "Defacing" means, if you'd kindly use words from this century, I can give you a simple answer' there it is, that look, that one he saves especially for me, the "I-hate-you-so-much-you-wouldn't-believe-it" look. 'I take it I should step outside now Sir?' Saves him the job of asking me, I'm too nice for my own good sometimes.

1 Minute later

Outside Maths

I've got my nose against the window like a pig, or Michal Jackson or something. I was trying to make Tom laugh but he's got as much sense of fun as a feather duster so I'll do it to wind up Bramall instead.

3:17

Walking home

Dec has got the most amazing hat I've ever seen, ever!! It's like a black top hat with lights on it and fluffy stuff on top.

I said in a crappy posh accent 'Declan, that hat is most splendid'

'Weeeeeell, do you expect any less of a fashion god like me' everyone just looked at him like he had cat poo smeared across his face.

2 Minutes later

'Can I wear your hat please Declan old chum' I said in my post accent. He put it on my head and then did that thing you do to babies, where you pull there cheek. I do worry about his Lack of sanity sometimes.

1 Minute Later

I smell Nungas.

1 Second later

Not really you Banana! I mean the girls are coming out of school.

20 Seconds later

'Yo W'at 'appenin Bitch?!' I know Georgia Loves me for my Charm.

Gee said 'I like your Hat Dave; it's the Bee's Pajamas!'

'I know its cool isn't it!! Link me Bitch, I feel like a pimp in this hat.' And I grabbed her arm and linked her but I didn't want it to look too Lovey-Dovey so I grabbed Jools as well and because her and Rollo are joined at the lips (see what I did there?! No, Ok then) he joined as well; Rollo has some very homosexualist tendencies.

1 Second later

'Hey Gee, as I've got my pimp hat' and Dec had a coughing spaz so I said 'As I've got DEC'S pimp hat on, would you care to….'I love it when she looks at me like that, it's rather sexy (I mean that in a very matey way of course, because that's what me and Gee are, Mates). 'Kittykat, you have a very minxy mind! I was going to say would you care to Disco Dance?' and I gave her the puppy dog eyes.

12 Minutes Later

Walking home with Gee

I had to give Dec his Pimp hat back as it's just me and Gee on the lonely road home.

'Right Sex Kitty, this is your stop, I will bid you goodbye and make my way back to bonkersdom i.e. my House.' And I gave her a peck on the cheek, I'd have much rather snogged her 'till she started talking utter Arse like we usually do, but I wouldn't want to get hit with that Italian Prat's Handbag! Oh and Emma, I forgot about Emma…

5 Minutes Later

This is the 2nd time this week I've forgotten my keys and it's only Tuesday. I might sow them to my hand or something.

2 Seconds Later

Knowing my luck I'd probably forget my Hand though. I'm going to have to climb through the window; it's the only way…

2 Minutes later

Shimmying up the drainpipe (kinda)

Ok, so I'm not shimmying I'm more falling down the drainpipe but I blame the fool that put thorny stuff up the side of the house, we don't live in a cottage in the country, but my mum can't be told. Mums, eh?! Now if I could just grab on to the window ledge…

2 Seconds Later

Why do I have little Stumpy Arms? Honestly, they're like Smurf arms only not blue. Actually, Smurfs have quite long arms. Oh well.

1 Minute Later

'Dave? Get off My window, NOW!! If I have to open this window to get you down I will. What are you trying to do anyway weirdo. You are so unbelievably random.'

'Jeez Lottie, are you trying to kill me! I forgot my keys and was trying to get through your window.' I hate my Sisters, The sooner they move out the better!

'Trying to kill you? I've been trying to kill you for 16 years.'

'I Love you too, now please remove yourself form behind the window because my arms are aching and I need to jump in.'

2 Seconds later

Sat in the bush

She opened the window.

**Lottie and Grace (her twin) are going to be a big part in this Fic. I hope you enjoyed it, please review and I will get writing.**


	2. Laugh Sensor

Thanks for The reviews Guys; they made me all warm and fuzzy inside!! Keep it up! By the way, would you rather have like longer chapters less often or shorter chapters like this one, more often?

15 Minutes Later

Still In the bush

I'm making a point, I reckon if I stay in this bush all night then one of my neighbours might call social services or something. Mrs. Jones next door may be deaf as a dead Llama but you don't need ears to see someone sat in a bush all night.

1 Second later

But you do need ears to talk on the phone. Never mind, maybe Mr. Socks-and-Sandals (I don't know his name and he wears Socks and Sandals, Ok?) across the road will help me, save me from the torture of teenage twin sisters who hate me.

1 Second later

I don't think he's my friend though after I kept his cat hostage for that week after he stole my football; I kept the stupid thing safe (the cat I mean Dufus!), but there is no telling some people.

5 Minutes later

'Dave, What the hell are you doing sat in the bush?' Great. My Mum's home.

'Baking a cake'

'Don't be so cheeky, get inside it's freezing out here.'

'Mum, It's the middle of summer.'

'Yes, but it's Britain therefore it's very cold not get out of the bush before you do some damage.'

'I'm good, but I'm not that good, I can't injure myself sat in a bush.'

'I meant you might damage the Bush you Wally, now GO!!' Charming isn't it? The amount of love and care in this house is overwhelming and I'm not even _in_ the house yet.

2 Minutes Later

It was pretty cold out there actually. I think I'll ring Rollo; he's always pleased to hear from me…

'Hello, 'tis _moi_, Rolloificus'

'Hey Rollo, you'll never guess where I've been'

'No, I probably won't'

'Right, I'll tell you, I've been sat in my bush.'

'Cool' you know when you tell your friends you've been sat in a bush, you expect some surprise, but not when your friend is Rollo, he is the closer to a Peanut than he is to a human.

'Lottie opened the window when I was on the window ledge and I fell.' I said, trying to get a reaction.

'Lottie, your sister Lottie?' See what I mean?

'No, my camel Lottie' I said.

'Oh.' He said, and then he went silent.

15 Seconds later

'Rollo, you still there?'

'Yeah.'

'Right, ok…'

More silence.

'I'm going scraping some chewing gum off the road, speak to you tomorrow.'

'Cool, see you later man.' Unbelievable.

3 Seconds later

Phone's Ringing.

'What Rollo?'

'You're not really going scraping Chuddy of the road are you?'

'Of course I am, Lottie is coming with me, my Camel Lottie, you know the one…'

'Dave, are you taking the mic again?'

'No, Rollo you fool of the first water, I'm not going scraping Chuddy of the road, I am taking the mic.'

'Why did you say you were then?' I hung up before I was forced to take some drastic action (i.e. trying to explain it to him)

5:23

In my Love shack, aka my room

I've got the music channels on, but it's one of those strange choir things, I thought it was TMF or something but I think it might be songs of praise.

1 Minute Later

It's really annoying whatever it is.

2 Seconds later

Not that I can hear it very well over the shouting, you'd think mum and dad would go outside or something to shout like that, and they call **me** rude! What is it this time? 'Never clean up…don't listen to me…feelings…Blah Blah Blah' It's the same every flipping time.

3 Minutes later

Grace is home, only, ooh, 2 hours late. That should go down well with my Darling Mother and Father as they are in such good moods already!

Yeah there it is, the whole, What-time-do-you-call-this speech, Grace should be able to quote it word for word by now, she only gets it once a night minimum!

6:30pm

I'm so bored. I might kill myself just for something to do!

20 Seconds later

I might do something less painful (and less Emo) actually. I'm going out, I don't know where, just out.

1 Minute Later

Sweet home Alabama It's freeeeeeeezing!!

2 Minutes later

Emma doesn't live too far from me and my fingers might drop off they're that cold, I'll go see her, spread some joy, help the aged etc.

5 Minutes Later

Outside Emma's house

I hope she's not in her huffy pants with me, she usually comes to the door before I even have chance to knock, it must be her Laugh sensor or something. That would be so cool having a little flashy thing on your head that went off when someone as magnificent as _moi_ got near.

30 Seconds later

I can hear people inside the house, are they ignoring me? I know I didn't get on too well with her brother but is that any reason to leave me out her in the freezing cold? I only used my charming wit with him but he must've been with Tom, eating maggots or something when the beardy bloke in the sky was handing out senses of humour.

12 Seconds later

Finally someone is opening the door!!

'Oh, Dave it's you!! I'm so sorry dear, I thought it was someone else, go on in, Emma's upstairs.' Emma's mum is too nice sometimes; she's actually bothers to take an interest and stuff, unlike my mum. Not that I want my mum nosing about my business but some food would be nice sometimes.

10 Seconds later

'DAVE!!! It's great to see you lovebug, where've you been, I've not seen you in like, two days!! Can I have a kiss?' She's got to stop using names like that for me, they might leak out in public!

'Emma Sweetie, would I ever refuse a kiss?'

20 Minutes later

No one can deny that Emma is a good snogger, I mean she's not quite as good as some of my exes but…

1 Second later

What am I doing? It's against the law of snogging to think about exes whilst mid-snog! Especially when you can't get over that ex and especially when that ex only went out with you to make someone else jealous.

1 Second later

No people, I wasn't thinking about Ellen…

Please Review people!! I Love you all in a very non-Lezzy way.


	3. Zombies

**My last Chapter went a bit Spacky (excuse the term!) and stuff didn't underline or go bold and stuff, sorry. Also, sorry for the swearing in this chapter, it's only once and it fitted, don't boil me in oil or something. I know I have too much spare time but does anyone else laugh at some of the stupid things word comes up with, I mean, come on, it told me it's "incorrect" to say "Don't I" you have to say "doesn't I", ok now I sound weird…**

1 Minute Later

'Dave, What's wrong Hon?' why is she so nice, doesn't she realize I've broken the golden rule of snogging (thinking about another girl/boy whilst snogging)?!

'Em, Babe, I…Don't think we're working' where is this shit coming from, I love Emma, don't I?

'Is that what it is? Come here, Kiss me for half an hour, and then dump me? I thought you were a gentleman Dave.' I had the urge to look over my shoulder and say "who, me?" but I think she might have chopped me up and used me as kitty litter so I just looked at the floor.

'Look, Emma it's not like that. It's not you it's me.' And that's when she slapped me. I did kinda deserve it though, "it's not you it's me" what was I thinking?

2 Minutes later

Great, now I'm back in the cold, with a red slap mark on my face.

30 Seconds later

And, I can see Mark big gob and his band of merry monkey spankers pratting about across the road.

'Oi, Dave,' Lucky me, a conversation with that Muppet!

'What, Mark?'

'Have ya been slapped? Been Dumped have ya?'

'10/10 Sherlock, I have been slapped and yeah, Emma dumped me, ok?' All of his little minions started laughing like drains, bet they've been dumped more times than me.

'Sherl… who? Don't try and act smart with me Mate; I'll kick Your 'Ed in.'

'Jeez Mark, how clear do you want me to make it, and anyway, it's none of your business.' No, Dave, Shurrup idiot, there's like 10 of them, ok there is probably only 1 brain between them, but…

'You what? You wanna come say that to my face?' they were all crossing the road towards me now, what a Peachy day this was turning out to be…

2 Seconds later

Please, god please. I know I've never believed too much but Hey, you've got to start somewhere. Now anyway, please, please say Mark doesn't kill me…

3 Seconds later

They're still crossing the road; they must be walking real slowly, like in Baywatch or something, just with smaller nungas.

1 Second later

Or they're planning the best way to slowly and painfully torture me…

1 Second later

Running…Pant…back to…pant…the…pant…safety of my…pant…house.

1 Minute Later

That's the quickest I've ever got from Emma's house to mine. I'd just better hope I don't bump into Mark and his mates around school.

Friday 24th May

8:37 am

Had the weirdest dream last night, I was walking through a revolving door for ageeeeees and after about 2 hours I fell over my own foot and smacked my head on the door, then the revolving door pushed my body round the floor and I got a carpet burn.

2 Seconds Later

I bet this dream has a secret meaning…

1 Second later

The secret meaning is…I'm a freak…

9:20 am

Note to self; don't ever leave shoes lying around when Sisters are permanently out for revenge. I've been looking for like half an hour and I give up, I'm going with one shoe on. I'm already 5 minutes late and I've got to walk there yet.

9:34 am

Oh Crikey, everyone is already in assembly and it's some visitor, probably here to depress the arse off me even further.

30 Seconds later

Yeah, I can here them from out here… "Dying children…need love…3 legged hamster…Blah, blah, blah…'

1 Minute later

I'm going in…

1 Minute later

That went well, I would have gotten away with it I f it wasn't for Rollo. I was sneaking to my seat, sneaky sneaky, and Rollo stuck his foot out, I fell over and brought a few chairs down with me, bearing in mind this was during the minute's silence.

5 Minutes later

So I'm here outside Mr. Davidson's office, to cut a long story short he cam over to where i was lay surrounded by chairs, hissed in my ear, I pretended to wipe spit off my face and said "fair enough sir, but you only had to say it, not spray it' he sent me here and…yeah, I'm sat here again. I might make a plaque thing for above this chair "Dave's Seat" I'm here often enough.

10 minutes later

There are 32 ceiling tiles down this corridor…

2 Minutes later

I'd just started Beatboxing Jingle bells the remix when Mr. D arrived.

'Stand up you rude boy!' Jeez, I can't do anything right around here. I stood up and did an army salute. 'Don't be so immature!! And where is Your Shoe?' he shouted.I opened my mouth to explain but he shouted 'Be quiet and come into my office' I feel very hurt by all this shouting, I might sue him, tell the judge I've had to have years of therapy…

20 Seconds later

'Are you even listening to me David?!'

'Sorry Sir, I wasn't listening, what did you say?' That just tipped him over the edge, any hint of humour is forbidden in this god-damned place.

14 Minutes later

Freedom!! Well almost, I've got Drama and that's almost a free period. We've got Miss. Wilson, and she can't even control her tragic hairdo, never mind a class!

1 Minute Later

Drama

I went in and all the lights were off and everyone was sat on the floor silent with there eyes closed, I thought it was like some sort of disease that had turned them into zombies or something and was about to run for my life when Miss Wilson tapped me on the back, I nearly swallowed my chuddy, the Zombie queen had come to get me. She said 'David, we're all practising some meditation, take a seat' and she pointed at the floor. I just looked at her like the sad Divvy she is and said 'You're alright Miss, I'll get a chair'

2 Minutes later

Everyone is taking this so seriously!! They've all got they're eyes closed and are really concentrating. It's making me want to go to sleep just looking at them.

15 Minutes later

I think I dropped off actually. The Bell went and someone turned the lights on.

2 Minutes later

Yeah, I did fall asleep because I've got "Sex-pot" written on my forehead, it's true but I don't think it'll go down well with some of the teachers, for example, oh, I don't know, Mr. D or Mr. Bramhall are just 2 of my big fans.

1 Minute Later

I need to tell the gang about my Dumping last night, they can organise me a bit of a rebound and all will be spiffing again.

30 Seconds later

Where are they all?

**Ok please Review, I'll reply to EVERY review I get, promise. Miss Wilson by the way is Gee's Miss. Wilson's sister, I hoped you'd work that out but I put it here just in case lol. Love You All (in a non-Lezzy way) x**


	4. Giraffe on an Elephant farm

Ok, this is the longest chappie I've ever done!! Proud of me? Knew you would be lol. It's not Long but it's longer, please review.

1 Minute later

Great, not only have I been dumped by Emma (Who was alright in a not-as-great-as-gee-but-pretty-cool sort of way) but now my so called friends have buggered off, probably to practice there so called meditation with there new so called Bezzy Mate Miss so Called Wilson.

1 second later

So called.

2 Minutes later

I'm going home. I hate school. In fact I'm going for a mooch round the shops. I'll keep my head down though; old biddies have a reputation for telling Mr. D about people wagging it.

10 Minutes later

I've got £2.61 and a bit of fluff, so I'm going living it large in McDonalds. Brain food and all that Jazz.

15 Minutes later

The girl behind the counter in McDonalds was quite fit looking, so I took the chance to have a flirt. She was really thick though so she probably didn't even realise I was a boy, I mean she gave me £3 change, I only gave her £2 to begin with, even my maths skills aren't that bad.

10 Minutes later

Do you know what you can get for £3.61 in Topman? Absolutely Diddly-Squit that's what. Actually, you can get some earrings, which would be good, if I had my ear pierced…

6 Minutes later

Is that…No, it can't be can it?

20 Seconds later

It is!! It's Georgia! I must show her my glaciosity, something she told me she would show Masimo after I prattled off some balls about mystery woman, whilst trying not to go find the lesbian Twit and floor him.

1 Minute later

I went up behind her and put my hands over her eyes, but she did some sort of strange warrior shout grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back. When she saw it was me the whole fiasco turned into sorry city.

'Dave!! Oh my God, I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?' She said.

She did a bit but I didn't want her thinking I was a big wuss like her Italian Pratio 'Don't be daft kittykat, a snog would make me feel better though.'

'If you're not hurt, I don't need to make you feel better.' She Smiled, a proper smile too, not one of those daft ones where she sucks her nose in like she can smell Rollo after he's eaten too many beans.

'I am hurt really, the pain is unbearable!'

'Dave, I'm so Sorry!!'

'Sex Kitty, you're like a Giraffe on an elephant farm sometimes, that's why I love you' I had to slip it in. I couldn't help myself!

'Sorry.'

'Stop saying sorry Gee' I said and I pushed her hair from out of her face.

'Sorry.' She said and we both laughed, but it wasn't like a normal laugh, like a "haha that was really funny" laugh, it sounded more…distracted. Like we both had something better to do. (i.e. Snog)

2 Seconds later

Gee sighed 'Dave, we shouldn't be doing this' she said.

'Doing what?'

'Acting like this!' she said and threw her hands in the air, she very nearly knocked me out but I had the common sense not to say anything, I have a feeling she's on the verge of a rant. 'Look, Dave, I Love you.' My heart stopped for a second and the choir in my head started singing, but she hadn't finished 'But, only as a mate, Matey mates, that's what we are. Mates with benefits, snogging benefits. I've got Masimo, you've got Emma and we've got each other, but only as mates. Matey Mates.'

'Kittykat, me and Emma split up last night.'

'Oh, well, what about Masimo? Think of how he'd feel if he knew that we snogged each other every time we tried to have a chat.'

'He wouldn't understand anyway, he's Italian!' I pointed out. I was getting angry now, if she hated snogging me so much, why did she do it in the first place!!

'Dave you're so…Ugh!' She said. I took my chance; I leaned in to kiss her.

5 Minutes later

Some old woman walked past and said 'Shouldn't you two be in school instead of canoodling in the streets.' The word "canoodling" just set us both of laughing, which set the old dear of into a 'In my day…' Speech, we took our chance and ran for the hills

1 Second later

Not literally ran for the hills, you know what I mean…

30 Seconds later

'Come on Kittykat, we'll go back to mine, nothing rudey-dudey about, after all, we are just Matey mates.' I said and I winked at her. She smiled but she looked a bit nervous, I put my arm around her. 'Kittykat, the house is empty; it's much safer than out in this jungle! Anyway, I forgot to ask, why aren't you in school?'

'I'm "Ill".' She said, doing those little speech marky things in the air.

'Oh, you don't look ill to me?'

'No, I'm not, I pretended to have a migraine so they'd send me home, I was just sick of Jas and her tales of Tom, they got up to number 10 and…' She stopped babbling on and clamped her hand over her mouth.

'Gee, what's number 10 and what's so bad about it?' I hate it when girls talk in code.

'Eh Caoont Teowl Yowou' She mumbled, with her hand still over her mouth.

'Kittykat…'I said in my most stern voice 'If I have to resort to tickling you, I will!'

30 Seconds Later

Tickling Gee

'Are you going to tell me?'

'Nooooo'

'Sex kitty? Are you going to tell me?' I said tickling her more.

'Ok, Ok, I'll tell you!! Just stop tickling me!' I stopped and looked at her.

'It means…you know…ermm, like when you and two people….'

'They didn't!!' It was Gee going bright red that gave it away, Jas'n'Tom. Po'n'Hunky!!

'I know, it's gross isn't it!'

'Eugh, come on Kittykat, let's go back to mine, I need some form of sugar to stabilize myself after that,'

1 Minute Later

Walking back to my house

I hope I moved my dirty boxers of the floor…

30 Seconds later

I bloody hope that Grace and Lottie haven't booby-trapped my room or something.

2 Seconds later

Should I even show her my room; she might think it's a bit awkward, two "Matey Mates" in my room. Why Matey mates anyway, can't she stop complicating things and just be my damn girlfriend already?

3 Minutes Later

Back at mine

'Ermm, Gee, I'm really sorry but, are you any good at climbing trees?'

'Not really, why Dave?'

'I've forgotten my Keys…'

Then we heard someone shouting…'IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOB I'M IN THE HOUSE THEN ISN'T IT?!'

We both looked up to see Grace smiling down at us like an axe murderer on Crack.

'Kittykat, this is Grace.' I said to Gee. 'GRACE, THIS IS GEORGIA' I shouted up.

'No need to shout Dave I'm here.' Someone said from behind us.

I turned round to see Lottie. It's so annoying when they do this, I can't prove there's two of them because it makes me look like I'm imagining things. I'd have to have a very sick and twisted mind to imagine these two.

3 Seconds Later

Gee was staring up at the window and then down at Lottie. 'You were…how… and then…what?'

'Lottie, you're not funny!'

'Oh god not again, Dave, Lottie has gone Dave, moved out some time last year, remember?' She spoke really slowly like I was thick; Gee kept looking from Lottie, to the window, to me.

Lottie said 'Sorry, its Georgia isn't it?' Gee looked like a Jaffa Cake in a digestive packet (i.e. Confused) and said 'I think so…I mean…Yeah, I'm Georgia, Yeah.'

'Lottie you're just cruel, now tell Grace that this really isn't funny anymore, and cut it out, Ok?' I said and started dragging Gee inside.

'Alright, I give up, It wasn't my idea anyway, I don't even find it that funny and she's going to believe you over us anyway, look at her she's like your little lapdog!!' I could feel Gee going red. 'But you'll need a key to get in and sorry brother dearest, I'm not giving you one.'

'I'll just climb up the tree, it's what I do most days anyway.'

'Two reasons why that won't work Smart Arse. 1, she's wearing a skirt and you know from experience how hard it is to climb trees in a skirt.' She must die, she must die 'And 2, you've only got 1 shoe on. HA!!' When she said that about my shoe we all looked at my foot, I'd forgot about that. My sock's a little bit dirty but I'm not going to loose sleep over that.

'Lottie, just let me in, you've had your fun.'

'First tell me, what happened to you and Emma?'

'Broke up last night, I went out to see her when Grace was getting her late speech again and we split up, simple.' I stayed calm when I really wanted to walk over to Lottie, tear her head off her neck and then make Grace eat it for being such bitches.

'Fair do's, ok, I'll let you in, on one condition…' Oh god, what this time? How could they possibly torture me any more?

'What is it? What this time Lottie?'

'I need a favour from you, I can't really tell you at the minute,' and she nodded towards Gee. 'But if you do it for me later I'll let you in.'

'It'd better not be something really terrible now Lots, yeah ok whatever, now let us the hell in!'

5 Minutes later

Back in the house

'Sorry Kittykat, My sisters hate me, in case you hadn't guessed they're out to get me in anyway possible.'

'Well, that was a…Interesting experience. Dave, you're sisters are scary Bananas!!'

'Tell me about it. So, anyway, we we're talking about Jas and Tom weren't we…'

'Yeah, I'm not meant to tell you this but, oh well, so Jas came in this morning and told me she'd got up to number 10, and she's been full of it all day, Tom this and Me and Tom that…I went home because I'm sick of all this happy couple stuff, I've not seen Masimo in like…3 weeks.'

'Forget about him Gee, He's obviously a prat.' I tried not to sound TOO happy that her and Masimo weren't going too well.

'No, Dave you don't get it, I Love him! But we've not come her to talk about Masimo.'

'What are we here to talk about then?'

'I thought we should talk about me and you.'

Ok deep breaths, here it goes…'Gee, I'm going to be straight with you, I love you, ok, I really do it's just…' Then she snogged me, like Phwoar Snogging.

2 Minutes later

'I Love you too Dave…'

Oooh that must be a confession!! Right ok, please review and I'll reply. Next chapter should be sometime next week ish. Emily xxx.


	5. SORRY x10000000

**Hey Girlies (and amybe guys, whatever floats your boat)  
Look i just wanted to say how VERY VERY sorry i am for not updating in...FOREVER!  
I've been quiete busy and i've also started Beta-ing PM me if you need a Beta by the way**

**I've not given up with this Fic, the show must go on!  
My new years resolution is to update quicker But thats not to say that i will; My last resolution was to keep my horses stables mucked out twice a day rather than once (the smell is a bit gross)  
And that went right down the swanny on the first cold day in january (i.e. 1st Jan)**

**I love you all Don't give up on me yet **

**Emily xxx**

**P.S next chapter some time next week, as soon as a have word on my NEW LAPTOP (Yes New Laptop!!)**


	6. What The Blazes!

**Has anyone noticed no one on The G.N Fanfic really ever writes disclaimers? I feel like breaking the mould…**

**Disclaimer: All the good bits (i.e. Dave, All the other characters, Dave, Dave) belong to the Fabby Louise Rennison (I've tried buying Dave of her but he's not for sale), only the plot is mine.**

2 Seconds later

Huh? Did she…and I…what…she…I…said…and…

1 Minute later

I should probably say something, but this snog is turning my brain to soup and it'd probably come out as some big drivelly, arsey type fandango. And it would be a shame to stop this snog…

5 Minutes Later

She pulled away from me and sighed, stop with the stopping!

'Dave you are so…Just, Dave like!! I tell you I love you and you carry on snogging me, well Dave she who laughs last laughs the laughingest, I'm going, forget it' She said and she started getting up. Quick Dave, say something!!

'Shock, it was shock that made me do it, officer' …and it was going so well, why did I call her officer?

'Dave you don't half fill me with confusosity,' I love it when she says –osity 'One minute you tell me you love me, the next you call me officer.'

'Sorry kittykat, it's just usually when people meet my family, they run away screaming, not tell me they love me. And I didn't mean to call you officer, it's a jerk reaction.'

'Isn't it Knee-jerk reaction?' She asked.

'No, just Jerk, I'm just a jerk' I said, doing my best puppy-dog eyes. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, make 'em feel sorry for you, that's what I always say.

1 Second later

Ok, I don't _always_ say it, but I do sometimes…

1 Second later

Ok, I never say it. I just made it up. Shoot me!!

2 Seconds later

Ooh Spuds in hell, she's looking in my eyes, it's like she's looking into my soul…

5 Seconds later

What the blazes did I just say?! How soppy can you get!!

1 Second later

And what sort of saying is "What the Blazes"?

3 Seconds later

I don't think I've recovered from my soup brain.

4 Seconds later

I leaned in to give her a kiss and she leaned back and threw her hands up like they do in crappy police films and said 'Dave, stop, please, I've got to go, my Mutti will probably hit number 10 on the losing it scale if I'm late, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?'

I smiled and nodded like I had a clue what she was on about, last thing I heard number 10 was…

1 Second later

Gross!!

2 Minutes later

So, she's gone…

30 Seconds later

I Really wish I had a clue what just happened. Where does this put us now? Am I her Boyfriend type fandango (Wow, that sounded Gee like!), she told me she loves me for Pete's sake!

5 Minutes later

Went downstairs to get something to eat. My Mother is so totally useless, it's unbelievable! She only buys anything if it's on offer, we have about 28 tins of Tuna (Buy 2 get 1 free), but bread? No, the loaf of bread we've got went out of date last week and has a layer of furry mould on it! How am I meant to sort my love life out on an empty stomach? I'll tell you how, I'll go to Toms, he'll help me.

15 Minutes later

Outside Tom's

Damn!! They're still in school, doing voodoo or whatever it was with Miss. Wilson. I'll have a quick peek through the window at the clock and see what time it is, then I can decide whether it's worth waiting for Tom to get home and feed me or whether I should go back to McDonalds for the 2nd time today.

30 Seconds later

Had my face pressed against the window when Robbie appeared at the door. Oops…Maybe he didn't see me, quick Dave, make you're escape!!

2 Minutes later

That went well. I started running off but tripped on some stupid stone, well, I say stone but it was more of a boulder if I'm honest, and anyway Robbie came to the door and was watching me sitting on the floor shouting at a rock. I looked up at him like Norman normal and said 'Oh, Hi Robbie…'

10 Minutes later

God, I forgot how boring Robbie can be!! He's been going on about endangered rat snot or something. Then he said the magic word; Georgia. 'So Dave, you seen much of Georgia lately?'

'Yeah actually, just been talking to her, that's what I wanted to see Tom about.'

'Why? Is everything ok between you?' He may be a complete bore and a marsupial man but that didn't stop me spilling my guts to him.

1 Second later

Oh my Days, you didn't think I literally spilled my guts did you?! I mean I told him everything.

2 Minutes later

Whew, finished.

'It's obvious, Dave…' Robbie smiled. I'm glad he thought it was obvious because I don't have the slightest clue what to do. And I'm still hungry…

I just said 'What?'

'Dave, I've known Gee ages and it was me that introduced you two and I think you're perfect for each other. I can tell by the way you talk about her like the sun shines out of her bum and even though she's done some awful things to you over the years you still Love her.'

'Ermmm, Thanks Robbie. For everything. I'm gonna head home now, tell Tom I stopped by.'

'Yeah course. Dave, don't screw it up with Gee, will you?' I could have sworn Robbie looked really sad when he said that. He's still not gotten over her I bet, well that's what you get for leaving her for wombats. And what does he mean screw it up?! I've never screwed anything up!

1 Second later

Don't laugh, it's true…

1 Second later

Ish…

20 Minutes later

Back Home

I went to Tom's for something to eat and came back hungrier than before. Hopefully my useless mother will remember to bring something home, I don't think I can stomach any more tuna.

2 Minutes later

I was just sat in the kitchen, dreaming of a snickers bar or ever a packet of Malteasers when Lottie came in and sat next to me.

'What do you want Bimbo-Brains?'

'Shut up Ass-wipe, you owe me a favour, remember, because I let you and your new Girlfriend in…' I nearly said something about her not being my girlfriend but I bit my tongue (it hurt actually), she ,may well be my girlfriend after today. 'Dave, meet Darian, I need you to hide him for me, oh and by the way he's Spanish…' And 'Darian' walked in, he was about 17, tall, tanned, Spanish, you know the sort…

2 Seconds later

What the hell does she mean "Hide him"?!

**I'm a very bad person, I make you wait forever and a day for this chapter, then it's mega short. I thought this was a good place to end though, sorry. If any of you read "Has the pants ship really sailed" by laughkittykatforever, I have started working with the her and we are now writing it together. I'm going to write chapter 3, she'll write 4, I'll write 5 etc…So please give it a read. Hope you like the chapter and maybe it was worth a little bit of the wait? Please review, and feel free to shout at me for being such a Meany-Poo. Emily xxx P.S My brothers friend is Spanish and he's called Darian, it's not completly random lol**


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